


Christmas in... Whenever the Snowbirds go Back Home

by King of Kirkwall (Archangel_Venom)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: A perfect world where Anders didn't have to fuck anything up, A perfect world where Hawke is a cashier, A perfect world where mages aren't trapped in a circle, Alternate Universe - Retail, Expect lots of sarcasm, Hawke is so done with your shit, M/M, Retail!Hawke, Sarcasm, Wait What?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-09 22:27:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7819690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archangel_Venom/pseuds/King%20of%20Kirkwall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teal eyes focused immediately on him and fuck, he just lost his train of thought. “ 've never been in here. That was…”</p><p>“Miserable? Absolutely terrible? Difficult to watch? Schadenfreude?”</p><p>The elf’s tongue swiped at his bottom lip as he gave the man a once over. His gaze settled on the red, circular name tag that read a five letter name. “Hawke, is it?” </p><p>---</p><p>In which Hawke and co all work at a grocery store and just try to get by. Maybe making the elf with the cool tattoos flustered is a nice change of pace.</p><p>I'm writing this because I've literally never written anything that has a happy ending and I'm going to make this one the one. Scout's honor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You sure are all over the place, ain't ya? Coulda sworn I saw you back there just a minute ago!”

Fenris blinked slowly, realizing he was staring in the direction of the conversation and not finding the decency in him to continue fiddling with his phone. The clerk at the register had the most charming smile, but he could see the 'fucking kill me’ in the poor man's eyes as the man he was ringing out leaned over the counter.

“Oh, sure. They have me doing all sorts of things 'round here. Today's agenda was specifically to pester _you_.”

They both shared a chuckle, and Fenris found himself smirking at the dry humor as he tapped his fingers against his leg. “Well, wouldn't want you to get in trouble, would we? What time do you get off?”

That charming smile faltered for just a second before the blond clerk replied - without missing a beat, “In approximately 5 hours. If you'd like to stick around until 10 o’clock, be my guest. Your total today is 36.79 whenever you're ready.” Forest green eyes flashed to the way the man in front of him glanced quickly at his phone before pulling out his wallet. “Have a wonderful evening, try not to think too hard about how much you're going to miss me, okay?” 

That playful charm was back, and Fenris chuckled for the first time as he watched it all unfold. Teal eyes focused immediately on him and fuck, he just lost his train of thought. “ 've never been in here. That was…”

“Miserable? Absolutely terrible? Difficult to watch? Schadenfreude?”

The elf’s tongue swiped at his bottom lip as he gave the man a once over. His gaze settled on the red, circular name tag that read a five letter name. “Hawke, is it?” 

The faint _beeps_ of the register clicked for a few seconds as the blond chuckled to himself. “Everyone calls me by my last name here. Sam is fine, too.” The man behind the counter paused, fingers brushing across a few keys on the pad in front of him before he turned his whole body to face the elf. “Total’s gonna come out to 12.83 today. I'll let the short bill slide since it's your first time, but don't make a habit of it.”

Fenris felt the heat rise in his cheeks as the blond winked at him. “Do you get paid to flirt with your customers?” 

Somehow, _somehow_ those words came out nonchalant, and Sam went a little pink as the elf handed him cash. “I don't get paid in tips, but I do appreciate how much you think I'm worth.” The cashier fanned out the bills to count them, dramatically waving them in front of his face. “I owe you 17 whole cents in change today, darling. You have a good one. I'll make sure you're well taken care of next time.” Fenris stretched out his hand, curling his fingers around the coins and using his free hand to grab for the bag that had been placed in front of him.

“Y...eah. See you.”

\--

Grocery stores weren't supposed to be packed. Fenris suddenly remembered as he walked these aisles the second time why he'd never been - you could see the sheer amount of humanoids gathered into this cramped space from outside. Shopping wasn't usually this hard.

“Hiya! Can I interest you in some firestarter chocolate?”

Fenris stopped quickly as he stared into the face of a rather excited looking Dalish, her eyes wide with delight - or caffeine overdose. “I'm not big on sales pitches.”

“Oh, but that's the best part about Warden Joe's! Free samples~” The elven woman held out her tray, and Fenris shifted uncomfortably before relenting. 

There was a note of chili, and something that sparkled in his mouth that he wasn't expecting and reminded him of magic. “Merrill, I hope you aren't bothering my favorite customer.”

“No! You told me specifically to spoil the guy with the tattoos and that's what I'm doing!”

Fenris narrowed his eyes in confusion, but recognition dawned on his face as the familiar blond waved at him from the back corner of the store. “You seem surprised to see me! I'm the one who lives here, you know. Come eat, that chocolate is straight up strange compared to the delights I have back here.”

“This place is so weird.”

The words left his lips as he turned his attention from the elf to the human in the corner. Sam's chipper tone immediately flooded him with information as he approached. “Now this back here is the best seat in the house. Free food, free coffee, free company with none other than moi - and occasionally some other chumps who aren't half as charming as me.” As the elf squeezed his way between two older women, he scoffed. It was clear that flirting was this guy's whole schtick. The older women were eating it up, though, praising him for his attitude that was borderline narcissistic.

He wasn't necessarily wrong, though. He was clearly good at this.

Fenris rolled back his shoulders as he took up the blond's offer on coffee, sinking into the corner as he watched people quickly come and go. They had plates in their hands with what appeared to be some kind of sandwich, and Sam was doing all sorts of things as he spoke. “Don't be shy, newbie. First timers get priority on the free food, and it's delicious~”

“Second timer.”

“You're about to be an old-timer, at your pace. Come eat before somebody snatches it!”

His ears brushed with red as the people weaving in and out of this corner chuckled at the joke. “What is it?”

“Only the best grilled cheese on this side of the Free Marches! Though I'm not sure if it's the cheese or the chef. Probably both.” It was cute. _He_ was cute. Fenris' lips curled into an easier smile than he expected as he bit into the sandwich slice he'd been given. 

The elf watched cautiously as Sam's attention was directed to a young woman who was currently asking a question about stock. Fenris' first thought was absolute bewilderment. What would someone back here serving food know about stock? Why ask them over the six other employees he could see just by glancing around?

The look on the blond's face was… almost similar. For a second. “Sure thing, sweetie! You just wanna follow that wall until you see the pillar. It's on your left hand side, can't miss it!” 

Fenris nonchalantly tossed his plate into the trash can, taking another sip of his - delicious and free - coffee as people continued to move and chat around him. “Busy place.” He managed, glancing back at the coffee machine. This coffee was damned good, actually. “Do they have you do everything here, or was that just a joke?”

Sam’s laugh was… rewarding. The blond turned away from him to fiddle with the grill he was using, but his voice carried just the same. “Oh, no. We all do everything here - mostly. I'm back here because it's good for business, but at night I'm on the floor stocking just like everyone else.” Their eyes caught, and Fenris pursed his lips before forcing himself out of his stupor and glancing at the aisles to his right. “So, if you were to ask me what I think of that coffee you clearly love compared to other kinds we have, I'd be pretty knowledgeable about the subject. You know, in case you're curious. Which you are.”

Fenris spluttered a little; thank the Maker nobody was around to laugh at him for that. “No offense, but I know coffee a little bit better than most.” It came out ruder than he intended, but Sam seemed not to care either way.

“I ordered coffee for a hot minute. Never used to drink the stuff! Now I can tell you practically anything useful or useless that you need to know. _And_ I'm addicted to the stuff.”

Fenris quirked his brow. “I think I'll pass this time, but it's worth considering when I'm not pressed for time.”

“Pressed for time? Let me wrap up my stationary tour, then.” There was a pause as the blond conferred with another customer, and Fenris settled for another cup of coffee during the lull. “We have wine tastings on weekends. I don't usually do those, that's more of Bela’s thing. We change up our recipes more than most college kids change majors - which is to say _a lot_.” The blond swept his hand across his station. “This is just one of many stations for delicious food, we've got all sorts of crazy stuff running throughout the day. We usually kick off in the late morning end it late afternoon. You can expect me there if I'm not here. Oh!” The man tapped his chin as he spoke. “Anything you wanna try? Let us know and we'll crack it right open for you. Best way to know if you like something is obviously to put it in your mouth.”

Fenris nearly choked on his coffee. Those eyes were staring right into his very soul and there was no way that innuendo was an accident. Still, this was his job. Flirting was going to be common occurrence with the blond. It didn't mean he was interested in him - and, fuck, who said that _Fenris_ was interested? “I will… keep that in mind, Hawke.”

Sam clasped his hands together as the elf motioned to leave the area. “Last thing! We have a great return policy here. Anything you buy you can feel free to return if you're unsatisfied, no questions asked!”

This man in front of him was so quick to go right into a professional tone. He moved so fluidly between hitting on customers and selling them shit. He was _good_. The elf paused, waiting until the crowd had mostly dispersed before leaning in. “Theoretically, then, if I was to buy you dinner and you were a boring date?”

A spark of _something_ lit up behind the blond's eyes. “I’m offended you think I could bore you. Is your life so interesting?”

Fenris smirked, shrugging his shoulders and turning off and away from the server. “I suppose you just don't know, do you?”

His ears pricked as he swore he heard, “bloody fucking tease,” blow past the blond's lips. The smile that stretched his face was involuntary.  
_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holla  
> Because so much shit happens to me in retail and I need an outlet to vent  
> And also because Fenris and Hawke are sassy and they deserve to be happy and not have to deal with mage rebellions tearing them apart  
> Yet


	2. Chapter 2

The next visit to the grocery store was somehow even more hectic than last. He was getting better, though, at navigating the aisles and starting to get a handle on how to avoid eye contact with the people in this store who made it their life's mission to make sure he was comfortable. How often did somebody have to come up to him and ask him about random shit _really_? 

The first glance he made was towards the back corner, lips pulling into a frown when he didn't catch the gaze of a familiar blond. There was a blond back there, though. Fenris sauntered over to lay claim on some delicious coffee, a theme that would likely begin to take precedence and become routine.

“Hey there, sunshine! You just wake up?” The dwarf behind the counter was speaking to him. Fenris took a slow breath as he turned his attention to the other man. “Maybe sunshine wasn’t so fitting a name for you. How about broody?”

Fenris raised an eyebrow. “If I have permission to call you shorty, sure.”

Whatever the dwarf was putting out was different than he had seen a few days ago. The elf eyed the food before glancing at the sign that was plastered against the back wall. He hadn’t seen it last time, but the menu was clearly written on the wall with some rather elaborate and cartoonish artwork of a chicken to accompany it. “I have a name tag, broody, don’t be like that.”

The elf shrugged as he grabbed for the food in front of him, sidestepping to avoid the wrath of an older woman who was making a beeline for the coffee machine. “Speaking of - is Hawke in today?”

A knowing smile stretched across the man’s face. Fenris slowly sipped at his coffee to hide his sudden sense of nervousness. “Hawke? Yeah, up front.” A loud, high pitched bell tone rang through the store, and the elf glanced to the front in confusion. “Oh, no. Not again- Oghren! Buddy! How was Ferelden?” 

“Bunch of sodding, piss-loving dog fuckers. Lovely view, though.”

Fenris took that as his cue, taking his leave as the blond dwarf turned his attention to a red-haired dwarf. All he needed was a few things, after all, so there was no point in lingering…

Oh. Wow. There were a _lot_ of people. 

Another bell rang through the store, and Fenris caught the familiar flash of teal eyes that were so wholly focused on the person he was dealing with. It didn’t take long for him to decide on that line (He would deal with his borderline obsessiveness later). 

“And oh my _gods_ , Sam, you will not believe the absolute nonsense that came out of his mouth.” A female voice caught his attention, and Fenris pulled his face from his phone to glance ahead of him. There were just two people ahead of him, but, beyond that, there was a woman standing next to him and nudging his shoulder. She was a lot louder than he was, but he could see the amusement on Hawke’s face-

 _Okay_. He was officially acting strange and he needed to _stop_. The elf bit the side of his tongue as the line pushed forward once again. “Lavellan, I’ve told you time and time again - it is too early in the morning to be upset about things. Look at where you work! Look at this handsome mug right here!” Hawke pointed at his own face, winking at the customer he was serving. “You can’t tell me hanging around this all day doesn’t make your day brighter.”

“It’s two thirty, Sammy. It isn’t morning.”

“I mean, let’s be honest. This is earlier than I’m even awake most days.”

There was a pause as the woman reached forward, snatching something from the human’s hands and stuffing it into a bag. “Sometimes I’m convinced he’s actually a bear. Nobody else sleeps this much.”

Hawke’s attention was totally focused on his coworker. “Well _excuse_ me for taking one for the team and working until one am most nights!”

“You know what Sam? I give up living with you. I’m going to go get your brother instead.”

The blond placed the back of his hand on his forehead; Fenris found himself chuckling under his breath. “Anything but that! How would my laundry get done without my makeshift mother?”

The elf was starting to realize that Hawke was probably always like this. No matter who he was talking to, the man’s sass couldn’t be compared to. His phone buzzed in his pocket - probably to remind him that he was acting fucking weird again.

“ _Hello_! Welcome to Warden Joe’s, is it your first time here?”

Fenris blinked slowly as the woman - another Dalish? - turned her attention towards him. She was probably the most enthusiastic one he’d seen yet, which was something of an accomplishment at this store. “No.” Again his phone buzzed, and Fenris squinted at the screen to read who it was coming from. Zevran.

“Third time’s the charm, right? Did you actually buy anything fun or are you still getting gross vegetables?” Hawke, on the other hand, had a teasing tone to his voice that he felt obligated to reciprocate. “I have half a mind to just throw something in here to surprise you. You’ll get home and wonder: wow, did that cute cashier buy me chocolate? Except you paid for them so I didn’t do you any sort of favors.”

Forest green eyes flickered up from the text message he was about to read. “Which one of you is the cute one?”

Hawke scoffed, and Fenris smirked triumphantly as Lavellan covered her mouth with one hand. “I get it. I don’t have any cool visible tattoos like you guys, so I’m not as attractive. Fine. _Fine_. I’ll get one, Lavellan. Soon. Ey?” The blond idly tapped at the screen that showed the total, and Fenris fished through his wallet for cash once more. 

“I was going to tell you he was definitely joking, but if it gets you to pop your ink cherry I’m gonna roll with it.” 

The two elves exchanged a glance; Fenris found his ears heating up as she smirked at him. “We’ll shop around. I know how badly you want to get matching ones-” For a moment the man paused, murmuring numbers under his breath as he pulled bills from the till. “But it just isn’t happening until you can promise me I’m not going to make a Maker-damned fool of myself and bleed all over.”

“You know…” The elf faltered for a moment as he glanced at the ever growing line behind them. His nose twitched with distaste. “You should check out _Permanent Record_.” The business card followed, and Hawke reached for the black card and scanned it quickly as the elf started out the door.

“Did you just give me your number? So forward~”

Fenris felt his cheeks heat up at the smugness of the cashier’s tone. “It belongs to the store, Hawke. Don’t flatter yourself.” The Dalish woman once again covered her mouth with her hand as she glanced between the two of them.

He took even more pride in walking away this time than the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that this is pure, unadulterated fluff and sass and there are no redeeming qualities  
> Also, if you've never shopped at and/or worked at the store that I am currently totally not inspiring this story off of, some of this may be difficult to understand either now or in the near future  
> Friendly reminder that I dislike punctuation, but specifically periods  
> Also real talk this is short because I'm going to bed good night


End file.
